I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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