It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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