i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
