I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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