He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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