everyone is single if you try hard enough
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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