my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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