Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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