is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
