Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
