I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
