I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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