margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
