We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
