DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
barbara walters just said penis...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
