Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How naked do you want me to be?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
