The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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