I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
