Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
