Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I looked at my own cervix.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
