I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
