is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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