I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
