I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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