He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize