I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
