Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
