you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
