you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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