You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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