I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
