How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize