1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There r osticjed everywhere
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
