69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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