I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
