We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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