Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
