it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
