her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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