Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
