I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
