I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
