You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
