also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize