note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
