I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Who died my cat blue again?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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