I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
