everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
