im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
