I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
