people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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