i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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