OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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