we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
