Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
