So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
