Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
