dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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