Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
