Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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