Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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