he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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