Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
