I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
