I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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