Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
