you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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