p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
