Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
