i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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