what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
