3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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